After being asked about ten times to give to the Senior Gift (which I find ironic considering how much “giving” I still have left to do on my undergraduate loans), I am finally beginning to consider the prospect that someday I might be moved to give financial support to my alma mater. Like any discerning donor, I will be not only giving to the university in this hypothetical model, but also more specifically to individual programs or goals which have come to my attention over four years. Here are the top six I came up with:

1. St. Joseph’s Chapel: To me, St. Joseph’s Chapel looks suspiciously like a makeshift worship space in what used to be the basement of a dorm. The individual chairs give the chapel a temporary feel, almost as if the chapel were used for other purposes. In order to promote greater reverence for the Eucharist on campus, my top project would be to put in permanent kneelers. To keep some of my more liberal friends from removing them from the chapel once I kicked the bucket, I would also have them cemented to the floor.

2. Endowed Chair, Theology Department: If I ever make enough money to endow a chair at the university (doubtful, but hey, this is theoretical) I would endow a chair in the theology department for either modern Papal Studies or Canon Law. This would either ensure that undergrads are given the opportunity to take a survey course in Canon Law, or absolutely infuriate the theology department by forcing them to admit that the conservative Catholic thinkers might have some positive scholarly value.

3. Sunday Latin Masses: How much money would I have to throw at the university for it to sponsor a weekly Sunday Mass in addition to the already existing one’s offered. Not that I think the Hootie and Blow Fish Mass is worthless, but it has the spiritual depth of a kiddie pool. It would be interesting to see how many students would attend such a Mass if it were offered regularly.

4. Sons of St. Patrick: There are worse things for BC students to be doing on a Friday night than hanging out with some Catholic guys talking about everything from BC hockey to the ethnicity of St. Patrick. What attracts me the most is this group’s ability to take very conservative Catholics and reconcile them to modern society.

5. School of Theology and Ministry: The curtain in the STM chapel is so ugly that I would pay to have it taken down. The worst part about it is that there is still a beautiful mural behind the curtain. The mural contains images of the minor orders, and although I understand those no longer function in the Church, it still represents a great historical view of how the Church used to function. Love it or hate it (how can you hate seminarians?) the curtain has to go.

6. Replace the Broccoli Fountain: Same basic reasoning as the ugly purple curtain. Nothing that ugly should be on campus. Furthermore, the fountain only functions for two months while school is in session. To recap: its impractical and ugly. I would replace it with a bronze statue of Pope Benedict XVI, who would thereafter greet the Jesuits each morning on their way to campus. The gift that keeps on giving…