You Don’t Know Jacq is a weekly column run and owned by The Observer. Its authorship should not be confused with any one student or writer. As such, we apologize for any confusion resulting from last week’s column, which was written by a different staff member.
Dear Jacq,
I want to know what girls expect from a first date. Should I bring her flowers, open the door for her, etc.?
Sincerely, First Dater Dude
Dear First Dater Dude,
When you go on a first date with a girl, you ultimately want to get to know her while simultaneously letting her get to know you. All of your actions, words, mannerisms, and so forth add up to a general impression of what kind of person you are. Your actions are particularly indicative of your character, so you need to make sure that the way that you act is representative of who you are. Who do you want her to see? Here are some areas that might help you to determine what you can do to make the right impression:
Flowers? No. A flower? If you feel so inclined. If you hand her a bouquet she’ll be overwhelmed, but giving her one flower is a nice, old-fashioned gesture, although certainly not expected or necessary. If you do decide to give her a flower, make sure it’s just ONE. And nothing fancy for the first date –it shouldn’t come in a vase, wrapped in shiny cellophane with a big bow, or accented with baby’s breath. Just a single flower to present which says, “Hey, I recognize that this is a first date, and first dates are something special because it is an opportunity to get to know someone and that someone is you.” (Did you know your flower was saying that?) Remember, each of your actions says something about who you are, so if you’re not the kind of guy that gives a girl a flower, then you don’t have to pretend to be. Give it if you feel the desire to do so, and in the majority of the cases, it’ll be appreciated. Or at the very least, she’ll go home and tell all her girlfriends about it: “OH MY GAWSH! HE GAVE ME A FLOWER!!! OH MY GAWSH!!!”
An ending note on flowers: Giving a flower on the first date is more of an old-fashioned move, but if you’re handing her a flower on the third date, it’s not old-fashioned. Your third date flower is saying, “You’re pretty. I like you!” so just be aware.
Paying for her? You ask, you pay. You ask, you plan.
Opening the door for her? This gesture doesn’t mean that a man thinks that a woman can’t open a door by herself. It’s a sign that the man recognizes that he is in the company of a woman, who is different than he is and who is worthy of respect. If you’re not used to holding open the door for a woman, it’s a nice habit to pick-up. Get into the practice of it so that it comes naturally, and don’t make a big display of it. More often than not, it will be appreciated, and if the girl with you does make a negative comment about it, well, now you know. Chances are, however, that she’ll probably go home and tell all her girlfriends about it: “AHHHH! He OPENED the DOOR for me!!!”
Ending the night? A nice hug is sufficient, depending on how the night went. “Nice” means respectful, not lingering, and not mashing your body into hers. A handshake is usually too formal, a kiss too forward. If you know you want to see her again, tell her. If you’re not sure, thank her for her company. Don’t say “We should do this again sometime; I’ll call you” if you have no intention of seeing her again or calling her. Girls hate that.
Recap: In terms of expectations of a first date, it varies with each girl. Most are hoping for a nice evening and to be treated with respect. Also, the first date sets the first impression, so why not put your best foot forward? You don’t have to go all-out because it might be at the risk of coming across as insincere, but woo her a little! Show her who you are and the man who you’re striving to be. And don’t be nervous! It’s all part of the journey towards finding True Love. *Sigh!*
Have fun!
Jacq
If you have a question for Jacq, write to holla.at.jacq@gmail. com. All submissions will be kept anonymous.
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