When it comes to academic procedure and policy, students adhere to a strict moral code. Honesty serves as the guiding tenet for writing papers, conducting research, and preparing for class every single weekday. Weekends and personal lives, on the other hand, are a very different story, and both illustrate a very different picture of the typical Boston College student. The pervasive attitude on campus condones hooking-up, a concept that sharply contrasts with the integrity we apply to our schoolwork. We are trapped in a vicious cycle of deceit and ambiguity. By hooking-up, we engage in dishonesty with others, and often, we are also lying to ourselves.
Unfortunately, the cultural passivity on campus in regard to this phenomenon perpetuates because there is little action taken to correct this problem, although there are some who attempt to bring attention to and correct the hook-up conundrum.
Where Your Hook-Up Is Going
The major challenge of a hook-up is that the concept is shrouded in purposefully vague language that forces no one to be direct or express feeling. For the most part, this hazy discourse is employed to prevent us from getting hurt. In the same way that we have a fear of failure academically, we are also afraid of failing at relationships and pseudo-relationships. Sorry, Mom, Dad, and Little League coaches across America, but there is no prize for just showing up when it comes to engaging with the opposite sex.
Moreover, the term “hooking- up” means everything from taking out the trash to being married with three children, which further complicates matters. There are, according to yours truly, four different levels of hooking-up:
1. One-Night Stand: Maybe you know each other’s first names. More than likely, you have no idea about the last. You probably met at party. Amber-colored glasses and a little liquid courage make everyone more attractive, right?
2. I don’t know: You may see your hook-up buddy on a regular or semi-regular basis, but you have no idea what they do when they are not with you. You also have no idea with whom or with what else they are hooking-up.
3. Exclusive: This label, when applied to your involvement with another person basically informs them, “While I do like you in one way or another, I don’t like you enough to make it FBO (Facebook official) or even be seen in public with you necessarily.” It is possible you find yourselves in this situation because one of you refuses to make a commitment and is using this term as a means of placating the other’s feelings.
4. Dating: This category, while often the most rewarding, is an anomaly at BC. Hopefully, your relationship will be strong enough to survive in a culture that does not to support or sustain it.
When we do decide to hook-up, there exist several possible outcomes that can result from this act:
1. Never speak or make eye contact in public: While this may seem like a safe option when you find yourself sneaking out of a stranger’s room at the crack of dawn, reeking of Natty Light and sweat, campus, in particular the dining halls, BC will suddenly appear a whole lot smaller than 9,000 undergraduates. If you employ this tactic after ending something with another person, you will seem like a coward. This other person will think you suck. Word will spread of your actions, and once again, you will suffer from a serious case of campus claustrophobia.
2. Wander in the abyss forever: Author Jodi Picoult writes, “The human capacity for burden is like bamboo–far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.” Let us try not to burden each other with not knowing. Sometimes, awkward conversations are the ones worth having. You might even be surprised to learn that the other person feels the same way as you do. If this is not the case, in the end, you will be doing your hook-up buddy a favor by not leading them on, or you will be lucky enough to get out of a situation that would be potentially harmful and damaging to your self-esteem.
3. Get an STD: Like I said before, hook-ups are actions that often coincide with dishonesty. You never know about what or how severely the other person is lying. It is always best to be careful. You are a child of God. Act like one. Your body is a temple. Treat it as such.
4. Get Married: To put the possibility of this final alternative into perspective, it would be like when Jim from The Office made a pie chart to explain how Michael spends his time: “This tiny sliver here, is ‘critical thinking.’ I made it bigger. So that you could see it.”
At Boston College, the motto frequently most often used to describe the student body is “Work hard. Play hard.” How about, for a change, we play nice too? That means, going out without the motivation of not going home alone, getting to know someone before getting down, and not forgetting that honesty is always the best policy.
To you, dear readers, I present this challenge. Next time you think about hookingup with someone, ask him or her instead to have coffee, see a movie, go for a walk, whatever. Together, we can bring about a positive change that is not full of empty promises, as seems to be overwhelmingly popular in American culture and politics. Ending the hook-up culture on campus will actually be a change we can believe in. Yes, we can.
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This is really stupid. With what else would another human being be hooking up with? Bestiality was largely eradicated after the Dark Ages, but unfortunately, zealous prudishness did not. I don’t think the real sign of a relationship is whether or not it is “FBO.” I didn’t even know that this article could be considered credible journalism. Was there any research done? Is that graph blatantly sensational?
Often times, hooking up is a way to test two people’s physical chemistry -an important aspect of any relationship. When two people enjoy hooking up with each other they will probably get to know each other in a lot of other, intimate, and emotional ways. A lot of other times, people are just obeying their normal, physiological, human impulses. Sorry that you’d rather us all be celibate until marriage. Good luck with that. Your sex will be terrible.
What’s up with comments awaiting moderation? Do conservative newspapers allow free speech?
I apologize for the waiting time…usually a matter of minutes…before your comment is posted.
Comments are moderated to prevent spam, which, even with filtering mechanisms, still gets through.
Andy Rota
Webmaster
The article doesn’t mention celibacy anywhere. The author isn’t even an advocate of that. The article is asking you to make good choices that are respectful of both yourself and the other person with whom you get involved.
The majority of the article, including the part about with what else people are hooking up with, is meant to be a satire based mostly on observation and experience. The pie chart, which is a reference to an episode of The Office, is also meant to be a joke.
Mark-
Like many other liberals, you make wide judgments about what the rest of society thinks, allowing no possibility that there might be some credence to their argument. You assume that the author advocates celibacy, assume that she can’t possibly have a sense of humor when dealing with a very controversial subject, and assume that websites that try to control spam traffic are inherently against free speech simply because they are conservative. Apparently its too much to ask for people to get a simple cup of coffee or sit down to see if they have anything in common before hooking up. You are simply more interested in physical attraction than anything else and are trying to hide behind your argument that physical chemistry is of paramount importance. I would much rather be in a relationship with someone I genuinely enjoy being and have terrible sex than be with someone I find to have a terrible personality and have great sex. Its just a matter of what you find most important. I think that personality and values are a lot more important than sex.
Mark,
What you call “normal, physiological, human impulses,” others would consider a tendency towards sin, specifically a selfish desire to objectify another person for one’s own pleasure.
And yes, most people ought to be celibate before marriage – that is, “unmarried” until marriage. Not that author even mentioned celibacy or abstinence in her article. Chastity, on the other hand, is a virtue that applies to everyone, regardless of marital status. It is a form of temperance, and it means controlling ones sexual desires. I think we can all agree self-control is good, yes?
To promote “hooking up” is to say that sex isn’t anything special and diminishes the sacred bond that it creates. The “hook up culture” turns sex into a method for ones own satisfaction, rather than a way to express genuine, committed, sacrificial love.
I think this article was very well written and I am grateful that the author has the courage to write an article disagreeing with an (unfortunately) all too popular practice on college campuses.
Megan? Thanks for the good article…
Mark to get ‘good’ at sex you need a patient,devoted, partner who has a senes of humor and who cares for your feelings.
My wife was that person…. but I l courted her (dated) and went to Mass with her and went through RCIA so that I could understand and give my self-sacrificially to her in love… by then I knew that she was the woman who I want to spend my life with… Getting ‘good’ at sex is a skill set you learn with another person who is learning with you and WHY do you do it?
You can not enter the Olympics and no one will employ you for this skill set…. You learn to show your love and appreciation for
God’s daughter –> your wife and to beget eternal beings. Woman (and men) are NOT pool tables — just passive entertainment toys.
Its too bad that people think that being a student and getting married are mutually exclusive…
you know when I was a bit younger people advocated the ‘test drive’ to see if Portia was your type of car….
I let them know that women are not objects that can be bought or sold they are potential partners to enrich our lives….
Want to learn about sex? Read JP II’s Theology of the Body. not a great reader? read West’s introductory
[...] Megan Rauch wrote a piece for the Boston College Observer. Ms. Rauch takes a stand against hooking up on ethical grounds, and provides quite a nice graphic [...]